gotta gotta be down, because i want it all.

Lately, there have been two prominent topics recurring, time and time again, within my thoughts. These are:
1. Writing
2. Travel
While this month off from school will give me plenty of time to do some writing and gather inspiration, I won't be able to travel until spring or summer. I am trying to get a job (literally, I will work anywhere) so that I can pay for myself to go somewhere, anywhere by myself. I have a long list of places I'd like to get away to (who doesn't) but it's at the point where I don't even know where to begin. If I can make enough money, I'd love to be able to spend a month or two wandering around Europe, but then again there are many other places which greatly appeal to me as well. For instance: Iceland, Egypt, Nigeria, Brazil, Bolivia, Peru...the list goes on. But somehow I think I will end up back in England or perhaps even more likely, France. I got to spend two weeks in Nice/Cannes/Frejus in Southern France a few summers ago, but I never made it to Paris and God, how I want to go to Paris! It's the city of the writer practically, Burroughs, Kerouac, Fitzgerald all fell in love with it. The more I think about it, the more I feel the inherent obligation to go.

I've been listening to You May Already Be Dreaming by Neva Dinova this week...really good album, lyrically & musically.

I left my Ginsberg Collected Poems in the apartment in White Plains :( Don't worry, baby, I'll be back after Christmas.

An Eastern Ballad by Allen Ginsberg

I speak of love that comes to mind:
The moon is faithful, although blind;
She moves in thought she cannot speak.
Perfect care has made her bleak.

I never dreamed the sea so deep,
The earth so dark; so long my sleep,
I have become another child.
I wake to see the world go wild.

a creature is a creature, though you wish you were the wind.

Amp Energy started off today.  I've never tried it before because I usually just have coffee or if any energy drink, Red Bull, but it was actually pretty good.  

Other good news:

I found my cellphone.  

Fleetwood Mac is touring in March (and Stevie Nicks will be there)!  Must must must go.

Back to the city within the next few days.

Had my last class today, Poetry Workshop.  

Talked about the books of poetry that we chose to read and brought in a poem from an author that we admire.  I brought in Friend of the Darkness by Charles Bukowski, yeah, you know the guy Modest Mouse sang that song about.  He's a really awesome dude, the kind you could picture sitting in a seedy dive bar writing poems about bullshit and preying on beautiful women, imported beer in hand.  I've read two of his collections, "Love is a Dog from Hell" and "What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire."  

I have wanted to hear the new TV on the Radio album for

 awhile because I have heard good things about it (if I'm not

 mistaken, I think it was voted best new album by Rolling Stone) and last night, I got the chance.  It hardly resembles their other album which I really really like, but this one is also really good if you don't get hung up on the fact that it is very different from what they normally sound like.

II est amer et doux, pendant les nuits d'hiver.

I hate that I always forget how cold winter gets here.  I've been wearing a lot more pants than I normally would because I don't really have any warm coats at school other than fur ones and it's not everyday that I feel like wearing them.  I guess leather isn't bad, at least it blocks the wind, though it is definitely not thick enough unless you wear a sweater too.  I want this version of my everyday I don't know/I have nothing to wear outfit:

friend of the night

I wish I knew where this was because I would love to see it in person.

Have been listening to this album much lately, it is really impressive.  I always forget how much I like Mogwai.

I lost my cellphone.  No thanks to you, homework and Jager.  Not sure how I feel about this yet other than stupid for losing it, although I must admit, the constant time checking and break from text messages/phone calls is indeed liberating.  But it's only been a few hours.

Another semester comes to an end which means that break is just around the corner. Yesss.  I am excited for sleep and snow and tea and jazz on snowy mornings and a break from everything.  It will be weird to come back to White Plains after the holidays and live in the apartment alone.  It will be weird because it will be different, but with a car, it will be nice.  

I've been thinking a lot about traveling lately.  I'm getting the urge to go somewhere, anywhere maybe.  I don't know.  Maybe Greece or Egypt or Vienna or Paris or Iceland.  I need a job.  Then I can think more about this type of bullshit.

the best ideas are the ones spawned by margaritas.

The other evening whilst sipping margaritas and enjoying Mexican food, Courtney and I were surprisingly accosted by two foreign gentlemen.  They commented on our attire- "You know, you have a hole in your tights."  (No, really?)  Then one tried to touch my knee, where the hole was, and I all but politely said "You can't touch my knee."  Of course, Courtney was wearing flannel and slouchy leather boots and I was wearing a motorcycle jacket and eyeliner (oh and a ballerina-esque skirt that Lucien kept saying was very Madonna) so they took us seriously.  Kind of.  "So, you girls are rocker chicks huh?"  How do you answer that question...I think we may have utilized the eyebrow raise, which in case you were wondering is very effective.  The margaritas were starting to wane.  And anyway, I would have needed more alcohol to to deal with assholes like that.  They continued a few more meager  attempts at attraction (asked us to come sit with them, tried to play with out hair, etc) and then finally gave up and left.  So dumb but anyway, I am relaying this story because we created an interesting kind of pseudo backstory for ourselves.  And it all begins with:

volcanic rawr.

An interesting backstory is what you use to make encounters with assholes like this amusing.  Both to entertain yourself, in coming up with new details and to see how far you can take it without them questioning the reality of the situation.  Volcanic Rawr consists of Courtney Almeida, on the electric violin and acoustic guitar, Ela Tokay on the drums, Elizabeth Ruland on the piano, and myself with vocals and cowbell.  Volcanic Rawr is essentially a bad ass girl band that plays venues like Sullivan Hall, Terminal 5, and Music Hall of Williamsburg.  We got up to this point with the foreigners.

Anyway, the city was how I imagine the city always is.  I never realize that I miss things until I am back and it is late and I have no ability to change anything about it.  I live in White Plains for now and it is great but it's only for now and it always is where you aren't that matters isn't it?  I had the fortune of enjoying Le Fin Du Monde (delicious beer) and snowflakes in the streets.  It's interesting how with snow there tends to be too much or too little.  It has been too long since I have listened to music melting from a jukebox's speakers.  The evenings in New York somehow always manage to secure a place in my memory.

finals, essays, and assorted bullshit.

my life this week can basically be summarized with a single photo:

A big bottle of Jager and Pinot Noir are waiting in my room for the precise moment that I am done with this semester.